Rant about people on Instant Messaging (MSN, Yahoo, ICQ or whatever)

[enteirah]

Something I just read on The artist formerly known as Shelltuneshelltune's journal about ICQ, although it really applies to all IM, got me thinking about this. If someone talks to you in Real Life (especially a friend), you'll normally talk back, or if you're talking to someone on the phone, you wouldn't suddenly disappear from it for half an hour without any warning, and expect them still to be there when you come back. To do so is blatant rudeness! Why do some people act totally differently when it comes to Instant Messaging then? At the end of the day it is still a conversation between two people (the word 'Instant' is there for a reason). I know loads of people I talk to who do this (so this isn't targeted at any one in particular), and sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who realises just how rude and hurtful it is. Am I wrong, and this is really good mannered? Yes, sometimes people are disconnected, or the computer crashes... but it doesn't hurt to apologise when you get back. I know I always do, as I'm on dial-up (although I generally watch the clock and make sure I warn people I'm about to disconnect and reconnect *before* I do). Okay sometimes people are just plain busy, and may just have forgot to update their status to say that. When you speak to them though, you have to wonder just how busy someone is to say...

"Sorry, I'm very busy right now, but I'll talk later. :)"

10 seconds it took me to type that, and that was slow. A small sentence which is both friendly, and explains the situation. Is anyone ever so busy they can't manage that, as opposed to just changing their status instantly or, even worse, ignoring you completely? Actually whilst on the subject, here are a few other tiny IM abbreviations which are simple to use. Yes, they're text speak, but they still greatly improve the manner of IM conversation...

brb - Means 'I am going to be away for a short while, but will be back'.
bbl - Indicates a much longer pause than 'brb'. More of a 'lets continue this later :)'
gtg - Means 'I have to go now'. Often used if something urgent has cropped up, and there isn't time for anything bigger before disconnecting.

All 3 of those take less than a second to type too, so don't get in the way of anything else. Right, rant over! Anyone disagree with my basic suggestions of netiquette here?

Comments

[huskyteer.livejournal.com]

Frankly, I'm never sure what correct behaviour on IM is - which is one of the reasons I rarely fire it up.

[enteirah]

Well, I don't have it on all the time now either, but I am starting to wonder if I should cut it back further.

[loganberrybunny.livejournal.com]

All sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Though of course, as with any time anyone posts about netiquette, I'm now frantically wondering whether I've ever done anything like that. I hope not, but sometimes I have just sat there for a while (5-10 minutes) without being able to think of anything to say at all. I'm not going anywhere on those occasions, so "brb" and so on aren't appropriate, and I don't like saying, "Hey, I'm still here" or similar as it seems rude to the person you're talking to - maybe they can't think of anything to say either.

I don't know, really. I do agree with you that it's only polite to answer someone... but then I feel that the same applies to non-live communications as well, and certainly no-one expects people to answer emails instantly (good job in my case =:P ). But on balance I'm with you - if someone says, "Hello," then the one thing you do not do is simply ignore it. Though I'd personally never type your example sentence - non-lapine smileys; whatever next? =;P

[enteirah]

Well, believe it or not, 5 or 10 minutes is actually short by some standards. =:o I'm talking here more of 15 or more minute silences slap bang in the middle of a conversation, when there still are lots of things to talk about.

Although I admit, I'm not always wonderful with replying to emails myself, it's usually only subsequent ones when I've run out of things to say that are left. All first emails and anything which asks a question get a reply, as it's rude not to.

[avon-deer.livejournal.com]

I was in a bad mood when I wrote that last night. It came across as more bitchy than I intended it to. Basically, I just do not like it when people get on incomming message from me, and don't want to speak to me, or are too busy on a MUCK, or another chat medium or something. This alone is not a problem. There are times when *I* am busy on IRC, so have to neglect ICQ a bit. But if this occurs, I put myself as away before hand.

And if someone talks to me before I can do this, i say something like "I do want to talk to you, but i am busy elsewhere right now. Can we chat another time?" Usuaually people are just fine with that. I get peeved when I message someone, and they cannot even be bothered to say that. Instead they just change their status to away. Sometimes it might be just bad timing, and their client puts them away automatically just after i have sent the message. But it has happened all to regularly for this to be true in all cases.

A simple "can i talk to you later?" is enough, and a lot less rude.

[enteirah]

Well, I wasn't in a bad mood this morning, but once I started typing this post did come out as a bit more bitchy than I'd intended too. Once I get started on something, I have this tendency to get carried away.

I do agree though that the last line is simple and a lot less rude to use. I've never used such a line yet, probably because I generally have too much free time on my paws. If the situation ever did arise where I was too busy and someone tried to talk to me (and I'd forgotten to change my status in MSN, which isn't too likely happen as I use the status messages habitually, even to the extent of setting 'out to lunch' when I go for food =;)), that's how I'd make sure to reply. =:)

[enteirah]

Ooh, I like the new username by the way. I'll have to remember the change. =:)

[rabitguy.livejournal.com]

In most contexts, such as an IRC chat or on a MUCK, I would agree with this, but instant messengers are more like a hybridization of e-mail with real-time chat. I admit to committing this misdeed quite a bit, but I think most of my IM friends know that I can be pulled away from the computer for minutes or even hours at a time. I usually type a 'BRB' if I do so, but I simply can't be consistent about it. There are also times when I've got three conversations going at once, and I can't really do it in all three windows. Some people only run ICQ/Trillian/AIM/... when they feel in a chatting mood, but Trillian is always running on my machine and I don't even put on the 'Away' state if I'm working on something. It may even take me a long time to respond, but I always do.

[arbutus.livejournal.com]

YES. Thank you. Amen. Did you see my post of the other day, with my TOP TEN (three) THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MY BEING ON AIM?

3. Don't IM me with "hi" and then say nothing to me for an hour so that I feel compelled to keep your window open. That's annoying as fuck. I will just sign off without telling you.

I've had people do this to me before (when I was using my school's BBS instead of AIM =;) ), and it's one of my pet peeves.

[enteirah]

Ah, I thought I could vaguely recall seeing someone else mention something about IM-ing recently, but couldn't quite place it. I guess I should have just checked back a few posts. =:o

Nice to know I'm not the only one to think along these lines then. As I've seen it from so many people, I was starting to wonder if it was just something else that was wrong with me. =;)

[silver2sg.livejournal.com]

I totally agree with your suggestions of IM netiquette, Entei-rah. In fact, I've largely stopped using AIM because of the disappearing act some people like to pull on me. =:( What's the point of chatting live if people aren't willing to actually talk LIVE? If someone's going to disappear on AIM, it would be nice of them to let you know they're disappearing, so you can move on with your life and start talking to someone else instead of sitting there wondering where your friend went and whether they want to continue chatting later.

[enteirah]

I think all too many people just completely forget that it is actually a live conversation, with someone on the other end at that exact moment in time. Perhaps the makers of these things should start including messages about 'remember, these are *real* people you are talking to', in their sign-up info.